Being a mom is f*cking hard no matter what your circumstances are and I am not here to blow sparkles up your ass and tell you it gets any easier but I am here to tell you it is so worth it.
I look over at my phone…1:00 am and I have to work tomorrow. Fack…
Instead of being in my own warm bed, I am sitting in my 11-month-old son’s room rocking back and forth trying to cuddle him back to sleep. 4 months ago this would have made me slightly annoyed to have to crawl out of my warm bed to tend to my crying baby that normally sleeps through the night. But tonight I am the furthest thing from annoyed. You see this is happening less these days and him falling asleep cuddled up in my arms is pretty much non-existent, so I am soaking it all in. As I rock him to sleep I imagine I am the mom from the book love you forever and someday in the not so far off future he will sneak into my room and rock me to sleep. Although saying it out loud sounds a bit creepy I am still 100% down for it.
Being a mom of 2 is hard.
Correction being a mom of any amount of children is hard. It is just that I have two children and your own problems always seem hardest. When I had one baby I remember thinking, this is so tough, and now looking back I laugh at myself. I had one schedule to keep. I could walk around the mall aimlessly while my baby slept, without my 3-year-old screaming that she wants to go to Claire’s and buy some expensive item that wouldn’t even make it past the minivan and into the house. Now I am trying to juggle two kids on my own for half the month, run a business and deal with some lingering effects of postpartum anxiety. It’s kinda like when you look back at photos of yourself from years ago and think holy smokes I looked good! But of course, in that moment you felt anything but good. Sadly it generally takes us looking back to appreciate things because at the time we are so lost in the minor details of life that we can’t see the forest for the trees.
My life is in no way harder than any other mothers, it is just that my circumstances and challenges are different.
I feel challenged on a daily basis and wonder how moms of more children get through the day. When I look on Facebook and see the lives of my friends I wonder if their children give them as much pushback and headache as mine do. You see my 3-year-old is as strong willed and independent as they come and my baby well, he is the definition of a momma a boy. He refuses to give me the reprieve I crave and requires constant attention. On the flip side they also both bring me so much joy and fill my heart with love. So the good times definitely outweigh the bad. But nothing is perfect and like anything in life, there are ups and downs.
That is the problem with social media sometimes, it portrays the perfect life because most of us only post our greatest moments.
Without realizing it we are causing other moms to feel the pressure to be perfect and do it all. But we shouldn’t feel bad for posting our lives and happy moments because they make us proud! As mothers, we just need to remember that for every happy smiling picture we see of our friend’s families there are several tantrums, daily hurdles, and messy houses just outside to the left of the frame.
My husband works away more than he is home and I find myself giving in more and more to my kids because it is the easy thing to do.
My 3-year-old has been sleeping with me for around the last 2 months and I know I need to get her back into her own bed but I really don’t have the energy required for this battle. So I let it slide, I mean she won’t still be sleeping with me when she is 16…I hope. Not that I should need an excuse but I am in survival mode. That is generally my go to excuse when I do something I feel I shouldn’t as a parent like allow my children ice cream at 9 am, or the iPad for hours on end (you get the idea).
Before children, it was very easy to say, “Oh I would never do that!”
We may even find ourselves thinking this before we enter a new phase of motherhood like the terrible twos, the threenager, or the f*cking fours. If you ever find yourself saying “my kids will never do, say or eat that” out loud to another mother prepare yourself to be saying “I was such an idiot” to that exact same mom a few years down the road. I myself am guilty of this exact thing. We all do things we feel we shouldn’t and let our kids get away with too much from time to time but it in no way makes us bad mothers. It makes us human.
I myself am in the phase of my life where I wish I could freeze this moment in time and keep my children little.
But…I also wish I could just jump forward to the time in life when things get a little easier. As mothers, we all have this fantasy that in a years time it will be so much easier. We even tell other moms who are in the thick of it that it will get easier, which isn’t fully true. But it is a harmless white lie that helps get a struggling mother through a tough day. Hope for the future, where she won’t have to drag her screaming toddler out of the mall in a battle royal. Although there is also some truth to the statement “it gets easier” as well. As they grow up we will be able to reason with them, they will be able to know right from wrong and basic life skills but there will still be challenges. They will just evolve and change. They never fully go away. But how boring would life be without a challenge?
So I am putting this reminder out into the universe to celebrate the moment and find joy in today even if it is full of struggles.
When you are in the eye of the storm it seems like these phases of motherhood will never end, but when the waters calm and you look back, you will likely only remember the joyful moments and the gritty details will be a distant memory. As humans, we are wired to quickly forget the bad and easily remember the good and I am thankful for that. I think it is what keeps us from being a world of one child families 😉 If we remembered how it felt to give birth we may never attempt it again.
So tonight I am going to enjoy my cuddles, sleepless nights and small victories and whatever happens tomorrow well we will deal with that when it happens. I hope you join me and do the same.
Oh, and in case no one told you today…You are an amazing mom!